Baltimore Santa Crawl 05

The invite just came my way, this will be my third year going…

Santas Past, Present and Future,

Once again it’s that wonderful time of year. Oh yes! The time of year which compels dozens of ordinary* Men to don a Santa Suit and make complete fools of themselves while at the same time harassing, molesting, tormenting and generally mistreating the good citizens of Baltimore. And this is all done in the name of Christmas.

Allow me to shed some light on this Grand Event. As a youth, my favorite day of the year was arguably Christmas Day. I’d be excited for weeks in advance, dreaming about what wondrous gifts might be wrapped up under the tree with my name on them. As I got older that excitement slowly wore off. I feared I had become jaded and pathetic; a Christmas Grinch.

Enter a man I’ll call M. Lee. No, that’s too revealing. I’ll instead refer to him as Mike L.

Mike was a mentor of mine at work and he told me about an all-day, all-night party that I had to attend. I was dubious as to how fun this could really be. ‘All guys? For 13 hours? We have to sing carols and wear Santa Suits? I don’t know.’ He left the ball in my court with this remark: 'It’s the best party I’ve ever been to, and I’ve been to ‘em all.’ I respected his opinion and decided to give it a try.

- Fast-forward 7 years -

December 3 will bring SANTA CRAWL once again to the city of Baltimore. Often imitated but never re-created, this is an event you cannot miss. We’re 5 weeks away, and I’ve got that same giddiness and butterflies-in-the-stomach I felt as a kid. What havoc will occur this year? Who won’t make it til midnight? How many fifths of booze will be brazenly heisted from under-staffed bars when thirsty (and frugal) Santas roll in?

I don’t know, and I can’t wait to find out.

Word in the North Pole is that some of the Original Santas are making a retro appearance. This is excellent news for The Crawl. These are the same trail blazers who brought The Crawl to Baltimore after a riot erupted in Philly. The same depraved pioneers who have gone home with toothless women from Dundalk and passed out in minivans left for a valet to park. In short, your heroes will be there. Don’t miss this opportunity to shed your better half and dedicate a day to complete debauchery. More to come…

Santa * it takes extraordinary testicular fortitude to participate in such an endeavor, so don’t fool yourself into believing any “ordinary” man can be a Santa.