Roller Hockey

I made it about 45 seconds into a scrimmage at the first roller hockey practice this year before demonstrating the importance of conditioning and proper equipment.

I was third line with a player with mostly pick-up experience. Almost as soon as our line got on, he took a slap-shot to the chest and headed back to the bench - I never did find out more details on that.

I attempted to hustle over to cover and fell on my ass, with no one around at all. My brand-new hockey skates have a shorter wheel-base than my old in- lines, this kind of thing was bound to happen. I laughed, thinking how funny it must have looked for the spectators I could see on the far side of the rink, got back up and again tried to hustle to cover - a replacement for the other forward was already over the boards.

I made it about three strides before my left knee made an unnatural shift /popping feel and I went down again. With no one around. Dumbass. I tried to get up but the leg was having none of that.

A few other players shoulder-hoisted me over to the bench and another line went on.

I hiked up my left pants leg and undid my shin pads to discover that my kneecap was in an absurd place, about an inch and a half to the left of where it normally is. I couldn’t bend my leg and it hurt like a bastard, but I was OK.

The other player on my line was sitting next to me.

“I didn’t know knees could do that man! Shit!”

None of us knew how to pop it back in safely so 911 was called. Between then and when the ambulance arrived, I went from in pain but OK to in shock.

Tingling in my arms proceeded to tingling all over. Shortness of breath gave way to shivering. The injury hurt less at first, hooray for body chemistry. Then it hurt more, and more. And more.

So I got a ride in an ambulance.

Two hours later a doctor at the emergency room walked in and looked at it.

“Why did they put those straps on your legs let me get those off”

She pulled a pear of emergency shears out of her pocket.

“I’ll bet that hurts doesn’t it?”

She cut off the lower cravat.

Then she cut off the middle one. Then she popped my kneecap into place. Then she cut off the top cravat. No warning.

Immediate gratification.

I got home around 2:30 am and was out sick Monday sleeping and taking tylenol. Today I’m telecommuting and Wednesday I’ll meet with an orthopedic specialist. It’s pretty swollen right now but I don’t think I did any major damage. What do I know.

Update w/ FAQs

I didn’t get any medications and it doesn’t really hurt at all unless I try to rotate my lower leg or bend my knee. Tylenol Extra Strength helped yesterday, today I’m just having a cup of coffee and trying to take it easy.

I’m in a velcro-strapped brace from mid-thigh to mid-shin to keep the knee from bending. I walk with crutches. I have stairs in my house. The bathroom is upstairs.

It’s my clutch foot, so I can’t drive.

The hospital - Laurel General - was a hospital, I had low expectations and everyone exceeded them. I did sit waiting for the brace and crutches for about three hours needlessly before getting discharged, but I wasn’t sitting in pain for three hours, so no complaints.

We’d had about 15 minutes warmup before the scrimmage and I was happy to not fall at all, skate passably in my brand new skates, handle the puck admirably for not doing so in a very long time and never this sort of puck with this stick on this material, pass and shoot poorly as expected.

I’m taking the injury as a hint to stop being so cynical about exercise so that maybe I can play next season.